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A man whose parked car illegally blocked a bicycle lane in Tampa, Fla., pulled a three-foot-long sword on officers who approached his vehicle. He then stuck the sword out his window and thrust it at the deputies, but they Tasered him as he tried to flee through the passenger side door. They found methamphetamine, marijuana and a glass pipe in the car.

HEY, IT WASN’T ME: A passenger on a jetliner farted loudly every 15 minutes or so all the way from New York to California. The guy seated next to him politely asked him to go stand in the bathroom and “get it all out,” but he refused.

THESE BELONG TO YOU, SIR?: A man stole three television sets, a karaoke machine and camping equipment from the Walmart in Knoxville, Tenn., and was arrested when he went out into the parking lot and tried to sell the stuff.

DUDE, I AM SO BAKED: A man and his son hiking up Sugarloaf Mountain in British Columbia realized their dog, which has “a ton of energy,” ate a marijuana joint left by other hikers when they noticed his eyes had glazed over, he stumbled a few times and then lay on the ground and stopped moving.

OH SURE, I’LL HOP RIGHT OVER: A man who had his leg amputated at a hospital in Hondarribia, Spain, was told that he had 10 days to come and pick it up or he will face a $400 fine in addition to the charges for its disposal.

I WANTED TO MAKE LOTS AND LOTS OF FONDUE: A woman tried to cross the Texas border with 100 pounds of undeclared cheese hidden in her car. She declared 10 wheels of cheese as she tried to cross into El Paso from Mexico, but a customs officer found another 50 wheels under some blankets in the trunk area of the vehicle.

BUT I WAS TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE, OFFICER: A man put his dog on his lap and allowed the animal to drive his car on the roads near Jerusalem, Israel, as he laughed uproariously. He was arrested after he posted a video of the episode on social media.

MY MONEY OR YOUR LIFE: Two banks in Lebanon were held up by customers demanding their own savings, as the country spirals ever further into economic chaos. A woman robbed a bank in Beirut of more than $13,000 in cash from her own account. An armed man entered a bank in the city of Aley and made off with $30,000 of his own money before being arrested.

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING ABOUT THEM DID CATCH MY EYE, OFFICER: Two convicts escaped from a jail in Billings, Mont., but were apprehended a day later near the local fairgrounds. Both men had face and neck tattoos.

I THINK WE HAVE A RECORD HERE, BOB: A man was arrested for drunken driving in Tampa, Fla., after officers discovered that he had a blood alcohol level more than five times the legal limit.

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